I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
