Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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