Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
