In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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