So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
