There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
