He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
