my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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