That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
