I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
farters have to be the big spoon...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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