there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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