I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
