11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
