My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
