I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
