it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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