I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
