Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She bit a glass in half.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
