He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
