i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
