so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize