I skipped work to stalk him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
