Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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