Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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