My friends, they love my intelligence
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
