Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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