Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
