I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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