rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
