so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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