as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
