i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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