You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
