The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
