a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
