then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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