Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
