My underwear smells like fireworks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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