John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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