True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
