I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
