Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
