Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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