get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
