I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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