kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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