How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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