Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
