We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
