What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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