with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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