dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
