forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
