the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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