i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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