just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
