I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
