omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
