Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
