the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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