I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
