I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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