from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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