He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
