i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Drunk is a universal language darling
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