glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
