Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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