So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
