Dual....:-)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
