Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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