I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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