I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize