It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
